Cipher: LOGFBANSCPWHUXRMKETDIJQZYV
        OBARYEQHICDFNZVTXGSWUMPKJL

Author: (Dave) Barry 

I argue very well. Ask any of my remaining friends.
I can win an argument on any topic, against any
opponent.  People know this, and steer clear of me
at parties.  Often, as a sign of their great respect,
they don't even invite me.